Attracting Marital Fulfillment, Part I
It's Not Too Late to Start Right Now
By Hershey Wier
As a personal and professional development coach, I have listened to
scores of unhappy marital stories from clients. It is not my intention
to pose as a marriage counselor nor therapist, as I am neither.
However, via my experience as a crisis counselor, and as a partner in
an intercultural marriage with its own unique characteristics, I have
built up a store of helpful tips, some of which I share with you
below.
"To those who choose to marry with love, knowledge and
commitment"
is the dedication line in a very important book in my life. This is
one of the pre-marital workbooks I used to assess to what extent my
husband and I were compatible for marriage. It offers information and
questions that help couples examine their attitudes and expectations
for married life. Difference in expectations is a common cause of
marital discord, and the most unfortunate part is that these
expectations are often not discussed prior to making wedding vows.
After all, before tying the knot, couples are in that magical state of
euphoria and seeming invincibility. "Love conquers all" is
the ubiquitous message in popular music and movies. Admittedly, the
pedantic, almost arduous activity of talking through pages and pages
of questions in preparation for marriage can be a bit daunting. Yet
taking the time to do so is guaranteed to save the potential bride and
groom time and heartache. Afterward finishing the process, some
couples may find out what they may fear most, that they need more time
to decide if they are ready to commit their lives to one another. It's
better to learn this before the knot is tied. Of course, there is no
guarantee that after having gone through a pre-marital question and
answer process that a marriage will be trouble-free. However, you
will have gained invaluable insight into crucial areas that can make
or break-up a marriage, and you will be better prepared to handle
issues as they come up.
Whether you're planning to wed or are already wed / in a committed
relationship, and would like more fulfillment, using a pre-marital
workbook to help you and your partner explore issues is a sensible
idea.
The dedication line above is from the book Getting Ready for Marriage
Workbook: How to Really Get to Know the Person You're Going to Marry,
by Jerry D. Hardin and Dianne C. Sloan, Thomas Nelson Publishers,
©1992. I mention this book not necessarily as a recommendation,
though
I feel it does a fairly thorough job of covering the issues, but to
provide you with an example of what a pre-marital workbook covers.
This book includes issues such as:
emotional love
behavioral patterns
family backgrounds
communication
friendship love
time management
perceptions
listening
commitment love
attitudes
household management
financial management
expectations
honesty
covenants to one another
conflict resolution
priorities
anger
ghosts that each partner brings into the marriage
religious beliefs
sexuality
child planning/rearing
lifestyles
Some of these topics may be awkward, yet the book does the job of
broaching them for you. The discussion process can be fun, even
romantic if you let it be so. And, face it, whether you choose to
deal with these issues before or after you walk down the aisle, they
will be dealt with in one way or another. For those who have already
tied the knot, it's not too late to discuss these issues on an
as-needed basis. One thing I like about this book is its covenants -
promises that partners make to one another, complete with signature
lines. Those signatures serve as a standing record of your mutual
honor and commitment.
Coming In Part II: Intercultural Couples
Do you have questions about the pre-marital/post-marital discussion
process? Feel free to contact me at mailAThersheywier.com (substitute
@ for AT)
©2005, Hershey Wier, All Rights Reserved.
Hershey Wier, BS Education, MBA, is a Career & Self-Development
Specialist specializing in holistic, creative approaches to career and
life transitions. Visit
www.HersheyWier.com
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