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Dating
After Divorce
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Who Wants To Date Their Mother?
Do any other reality TV junkies remember a show on TV last year called
"Who Wants To Marry Our Dad?" Well, my life is starting to sound very
very similar lately. All you have to do is listen to my kids for a
day, and you'll see exactly what I'm talking about.
Their father and I separated this year after 10 years of marriage, and
all of us have been through some huge adjustments in our lives. I
won't dwell here & now on all the details, but just know that it
hasn't been easy. We are just now starting to cope well with our new
lives, and learning how to figure things out and move forward.
Our daughter seems to be taking the changes better than everyone. Her
religious faith is quite strong, and she very confidently has declared
that she gave the whole situation to God, and "he has a plan for
everyone", therefore she's not worried at all.
Our son, however, seems to be having a tougher time. At fourteen years
old, he is trying to deal with his own emotions, his changing
hormones, and now this new instinct to step up and be "the man of the
house". He is trying to be a father to his sister, and to his mother
too. I am an adult, and don't
need a "chaperone", and he and his sister already have a father who is
not planning to relinquish his role at any point in the future. So
this continues to be an ongoing battle with us.
I personally had a very rough time in the beginning, but am now doing
okay. I am learning how to live again, as a single woman, but most
importantly as a single mother. My kids will always come before my
social life, and they have made sure to not let me forget that when it
comes to me exploring the world of dating again. In fact, they have
each given me their own list of "criteria" that any man should have to
pass before being good enough to bring home to meet them. Some are
just plain funny, and some brought a tear to my eye. Read on and
enjoy:
* Piercings - my daughter said none, while my son said no "weird"
piercings (nothing other than ears)
* Tattoos - my son said tattoos are cool, but my daughter said NO
tattoos allowed.
* Bad Habits - both said no smoking, and my son added that there
shouldn't be any other bad alcohol or tobacco habits. My daughter said
he can only drink on special occasions, like weddings and
anniversaries.
* Animals - both agreed that he must like dogs, and other animals,
too.
* Age - they both said he can't be old, and should be close to my
age.
* Sports - both kids said it is important for him to like sports
and/or other outdoor activities.
My son says that he must not fight with me, and mustn't ever kiss me
in front of them. He wants somebody who will discipline more than I do
(at least be harder on his little sister). He also said that "Mr.
Right" must like to play video & computer games, and must be taller
than 5'1". And his final requirement? He must pass the "Mother In Law
Test", meaning my mother-in-law must meet and approve of any man that
I think I am ready to bring home to meet my kids.
My daughter is much pickier..... She added that he must have hair, but
no facial hair. She hates beards and mustaches. He must have a good
paying job, and like to shop. He has to be willing to spoil my kids.
He should like to play board games, and listen to the same music as
her. He has to attend church. He can't hog the TV, and should enjoy
dancing crazy once in a while. She also stipulated that he should know
how to cook, do the laundry, and enjoy doing other housework and
yardwork without complaint. And of course, he should always be ready
to get rid of any creepy-crawly insects or stinging/biting creatures
that enter our house.
She then added that anyone who meets any of these additional
requirements will get "bonus points" from her:
- owns a convertible sports car
- plays any instrument (preferably a guitar, violin, or piano)
- knows some form of martial arts, or is at least willing to learn
Both kids agreed that this perfect man must be nice and not have a bad
temper. He must treat all of us with respect. And most importantly,
they said that he must like kids! Sounds a lot like that new movie
coming out.... "Must Love Dogs"
(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0417001/), doesn't it?
As you can see, my kids both have a good head on their shoulders, and
seem to be thinking pretty maturely about the idea of "mom" having a
life again. I did agree to take their requests into consideration, but
would not promise to stick to them completely. There has to be some
compromise, right? We want "him" to accept us with all our quirks, and
trust me...we ALL have quirks!!
But there will surely be no flexibility when it comes to the
requirements of liking kids, and treating us all with respect. I have
those on my OWN list of requirements....... But that's another story
for another day entirely.
Valerie Zilinsky of Michigan is the single mother of two wonderful yet
high-maintenance kids, a 9 yr. old girl and a 14 yr. old boy. She is
proud to be the co-owner of the following website for parents:
http://www.RaisingOurKids.com
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