Quotes By Mark Twain
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied
even to prayer
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have
them and not deserve them.
Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us
could not succeed.
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of
focus.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
First, God created idiots. That was just for practice. Then He
created school boards.
I've lived a long life and seen a lot of hard times...most of
which never happened.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small
people always do that, but the really great make you feel that
you, too, can become great.
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like
and let the food fight it out inside.
Suppose you were an idiot... And suppose you were a member of
Congress... But I repeat myself.
Always do the right thing. This will gratify some people and
astonish the rest.
Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg
cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.
Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on
Earth.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will
not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and
a man
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything
Such is the human race. Often it does seem such a pity that
Noah... didn't miss the boat.
Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that
nobody had said it before him.
Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all,
has to make sense.
When angry count four; when very angry, swear.
There are several good protections against temptation, but the
surest is cowardice.
Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and
therefore are most economical in its use.
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education
Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy
you must have somebody to divide it with.
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it.
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of
getting start is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into
small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.
Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Happiness is a Swedish sunset; it is there for all, but most of
us look the other way and lose it.
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries of life disappear
and life stands explained.
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the
fight in the dog.
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and
loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole
lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and
happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is
forever flowing through one's head
To cease smoking is the easiset thing I ever did. I ought to
know, I've done it a thousand times.
The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of
his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying such a laugh
was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's
bills like anything.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly
stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was
astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want,
drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out
and your dog would go in.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good
impromptu speech.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those
three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of
conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this it the
ideal life.
The difference between truth and fiction: fiction has to make
sense
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom
that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits
down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot
stove-lid again - and that is well; but also she will never sit
down on a cold one anymore.
One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a
cat has only nine lives.
Etiquette requires us to admire the human race.
I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one
instead.
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man
who can't read them.
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