"How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem?"
by Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ CoachT
"Having decided to achieve a certain task, achieve
it at all costs of tedium and distaste. The gain
in self-confidence of having accomplished a
tiresome labor is immense." ~ Thomas Bennett
You can't talk yourself into self-esteem, and neither can
your coach, your best friend, your boss or your partner. It
has to be earned. We can only guide you to claiming your
own.
Here are some ways you can earn your own self-regard. Then
you will be well-regarded by others, and this is turn gives
you more self-esteem.
BE MINDFUL
Most of us had chores to do as kids, but one thing parents
often fail to do is deliver the message in words. We were
given chores because they needed doing, but also to give us
a sense of accomplishment. If you weren't praised for the
actual work you did, then you missed the greater message.
If your Mom didn't say, "Look at the wonderful way you did
those dishes. I bet you're proud of yourself," well, now's
the time for you to do it for yourself.
DON'T BE THE UNSUNG HERO
Choose a tiresome task, do it well, and then relish the
accomplishment.
PRAISE SOMETHING YOU DO, NOT SOMETHING YOU ARE.
This is a mistake many parents make. We build self-esteem
by doing something, and being praised for it. Telling your
child, "You're just such a neat kid," isn't the same as
saying, "I'm proud of the way you get dressed in the morning
and get your school books ready. You are very responsible."
Go back and do this for yourself!
MAKE IT A TIRESOME TASK
Why? Because pulling off an Anniversary Banquet for 200, or
winning a court case, or getting the big contract bring you
lots of external praise. What we're after here, what will
motivate you during hard times, is being able to praise
yourself for the small everyday "tiresome" tasks, such as
ironing your child's school uniform, loading the dishwasher
for the 100th time, and making your bed every morning.
PRAISE YOURSELF AND BUILD YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE
Work on your self-talk. Praise yourself and give yourself
motivation. Be responsible to YOU. Start by monitoring
yourself for a full day. Every time something rattles
around in your head, notice it. For instance, if, when you
make the bed, you think, "Why doesn't Sam ever do this?" or
"Thankless chore," you're missing an opportunity to build
your self-esteem. A simple, "I make this bed so nicely
every morning. Good for me!" works a lot better.
IT'S IN THE DETAILS
The big things don't come around often enough . our 15
minutes of fame. Nor do they last that long. What we have
is a series of little things that we need to appreciate.
How you feel about the things you do will reflect all around
you.
Value the small things you do all day long. When you think
about it, taking out the garbage on Mondays and Thursdays is
far "harder" because it's a "thankless" task. No one
notices, no one cares. Winning the trial gets you lots of
attention. Taking out the garbage is only noticed in its
absence. However, it's these tasks that build character, IF
you're conscious about them.
Building your self-esteem is up to you! Why not get started
today?
©Susan Dunn, MA, cEQc, The EQ CoachT,
http://www.susandunn.cc . The customized coaching,
resources, tools and support you need for your personal and
professional development. Susan is the author of "How to
Live Your Life with Emotional Intelligence," available in
the EQ eBook Library -
http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html
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